"I know my rights" said Beryl Knight of Accrington, shortly after collecting her first week's old age pension. "I've had me false teeth for ages, I've always worn glases and I got a hearing aid last year. I got me bus pass this morning and I'll be getting me heating allowance later this year but I suppose I'm going to have to wait a bit for me free telly licence.
But I need a shopping trolley straight away - I can't be a real pensioner without one of them, and I want one of them proper pensioners' ones, you know, a tartan one. You can't make a decent job of getting in the way or tripping people up without a shopping trolley.
Oh, and a subscription to the Daily Mail as well."