In a new survey, respondents were asked if the 2012 London Olympics had prompted them to take up a sport. 100% said ‘no’.
Asked what the Olympics has prompted them to do, 100% said ‘watch tv, eat junk food and get pissed’.
A government spokesperson said: “This just goes to show if John Logie Baird hadn’t invented television in the 1920s, millions of Britons would not have been able to watch the Olympics in all its HDTV glory. Shame we don’t make many tvs any more, but that is Labour’s fault.”
The survey also revealed crime is down by 9%, mainly due to people staying at home and watching the Olympics on tv and inclement weather disinclining potential criminals to ruin their designer chav sports gear.
As a result, in a high crime area, the government is to trial streaming free HDTV sports programmes 24 hours a day, with free booze, drugs and junk food thrown in to see what the effects will be.
“Once all the useless chavs are dead in a few months” said a government spokesperson “we can concentrate on developing the talent of those left over.”
Labour spokesperson Philip Morris said: “These findings clearly show the government and its advisors are making up silly unworkable policies on the back of a non-plain fag packet.”