The International Olympic Committee has announced that it will allow drugs in many of its events in light of the recent scandals.
Sprinters Tyson Gay and Asafa Powell, who were recently tested positive for performance enhancing substances, have provoked the International Olympic Committee to find a radical new way to reduce the amount of drug-use in sporting events.
The International Olympic Committee have made the decision to find a place for recreational drugs within professional sport, and to implement this by the 2016 Olympic Games.
“I can’t be bothered with all these scandals anymore” said Committee President Jacques Rogge, “it’s getting on my nerves. If you can’t stop them, you may as well just let them do it.”
“It would be pretty wicked anyway, don’t you think? Watching athletes high of their faces flinging a massive great iron Frisbee across a field.”
The Committee has also looked into creating totally new drug-only sports. Events such as the 50cm Snort and Drug Mule, where the competitor must attempt to insert the biggest bag of weed up inside their colon and smuggle it through US customs, will be introduced.
This will also be used as a chance to reintroduce some old events. Games that were once a part of the Olympics, but which over the course of history had been removed will be brought back with a new twist.
Competitions such as poetry will be restored amongst the Olympics schedule of events. “Competitors will first be fed a great big bag of magic mushrooms before they begin writing” says Rogge.
“How awesome does that sound?”