A new report claims the wages of sin have been frozen for the fifth year running
(4 posts) (2 voices)
The National Audit Office investigation has revealed that this freeze has taken place despite the high pay rises the bosses have awarded themselves. Controversy also surrounds bonuses, such as eternal life and unfading beauty, that have been negotiated by individuals in 'sweetheart ' and 'golden handcuffs deals'. There have been several calls for the bonuses to be returned when a contract has been terminated early.
Speaking for the Devil George Osborne has confirmed that thousands of sinners are to lose their automatic annual rises, as he unveiled cuts.
He said rises will be limited to an average of up to one per cent for 2015-16, adding "but the biggest reform we make on the wages of sin is to end automatic progression”.
He said: "This is the practice whereby many not only get a rise every year, but also automatically move up a level of hell every single year - regardless of performance”.
Mr Osborne told Hades that the review involved making "difficult decisions", adding “There never was an easy way to bring Hell under control”.
He said: "Progression pay can at best be described as antiquated; at worst, it's deeply unfair to other parts of the other realm who don't get it and to the ordinary sinners who have to pay for it.
Mr Osborne went on: "We are working to remove automatic pay rises simply for time served in Purgatory."
The move, from which the demons will be excluded, is likely to provoke fury from unions, who claim their members are already paying the price of austerity.
I am intrigued by the idea of a Sinners' Union, demanding better conditions in Hell and paid annual leave from eternal damnation.
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