New information has surfaced regarding the cargo onboard the North Korean ship which was recently seized in Panama. Initially it was reported the ship, purportedly carrying sugar, actually contained "ageing" Cuban weapons, with which North Korea was contracted with restoring a youthful vitality and deadly functionality.
It was alleged the weapons were forced to sit in sealed containers and watch 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button' and 80's classic 'Cocoon' until they understood the importance of regaining youth. North Korean authorities defended the shipment stating that sugar has several connotations in North Korea, one of which is obsolete arms. Furthermore they pleaded with Panamanian customs to have their ship back as they do not have many friends and do not want to fall out with Cuba.
According to an eye witness report from a nearby barge, it seems the saccharine weapons explanation was nothing more than an elaborate ruse to hide the true cargo of the ship, several thousand Rubiks cubes. Rumours have circulated for several years regarding Kim Jong-Un's debilitating Rubik’s cube addiction, his inability to master the puzzle being a constant source of disappointment for his late father, Kim Jong-Il. North Korean defectors allege Kim Jong-Un was often publicly chastised for his lack of puzzle acumen, and was once spanked on live television after failing to complete a 200 piece agrarian horse jigsaw.
Insiders suggest Kim Jong-Un is still unable to complete so much as a line of the popular 80's puzzle, despite coercing experts from around the globe to assist in his efforts. He even went as far as having corrective eye surgery to cure his suspected colour-blindness but it transpired there was nothing wrong with his sight and everything still appears the same colour, grey. Evidence suggests Kim Jong-Un is attempting to "liberate" the globe of all remaining Rubik’s Cubes, thusly eliminating his torment.
It is also rumoured that Cuba is in cahoots with North Korea in the scheme, however a top Cuban official defended their position, "North Korea asked to borrow a cup of sugar so we sent them a ship-full. How were we to know someone had put defunct weapons in the sugar cupboard. We do not have many friends so we thought giving North Korea a load of sugar would impress them".