As Britain continues to swelter under the sun, and with the Met Office raising the heatwave warning to level 3, we take you through some top tips to stay cool in this hot hot hot weather:
1) Offer to do the shopping for an elderly friend or relative. The chilled aisles in supermarkets are a fantastic way to stay cool for free. And remember, the more upmarket the store, the cooler you'll feel.
2) Take yourself to your nearest hand car wash. For a fiver you can rely on a sweaty bunch of Bulgarians to jet wash you happy. You'll come away buffed to a fine finish too.
3) Take up devil worshipping. Prancing around naked on open moorland at midnight is great way to cool off in the evening.
4) Make friends with a Russian oligarch. You never know when you might appreciate a cooling downdraught from the rotors on that top of the range private helicopter.
5) Paint yourself in black and white stripes and break into your nearest zoo. Everyone will love the new fat sweaty penguin.
6) Eat a lorry load of hot chillies. Will it work? No. Will we piss ourselves laughing as you're carted off to hospital? Yes.