In what should have been a celebratory week for Luca Parmitano, Italy's first spacewalker, the nation’s Centre for Disease Control was forced to issue a warning that cranium leakage was reaching epidemic proportions. Senator Roberto Calderoli is one of several high profile anti-immigration politicians who have been observed spewing viscous bile from the “testa di cazzo” region, in an uncontrollable manner. One doctor described the Senator’s condition as akin to that of a”seeping bell-end”, but without the same endearing charm.
Medical checkpoints have been set up all over the Italian Parliament but many fear that it is too late to stop the spread. “A disrupted NASA mission is one thing,” complained one harassed nurse. “But we are seeing is a steady drip drip of bigoted vitriol coming out of the heads of various politicians. At this rate we’ll end up looking back at the Silvio Berlusconi Years with fondness.”
Senator Calderoli described his racist outburst as "silly", in the same understated way that Mussolini had once championed moderation through the use of “special holiday” camps. A spokesmen for the Northern League said: “It is unfair to expect to the Senator to resign over what is clearly a medical condition. Mr. Calderoli has already agreed to send Ms Kyenge some ‘flowers’, so let’s put the matter behind us. Nothing says ‘I’m sorry’ to a woman who have been threatened with rape and likened to an orangutan, as a bunch of discount daffodils.”