With the Flood only days away, the well-known patriarch is reported to be outraged after being warned that he faces prosecution under equality legislation when his ark docks on Mount Ararat unless he takes a matching number of gay couples on board. “Look, I've already built the bloody thing and now I'm told to fill it to twice its capacity – and when I do that, I'll have the nanny-state Health and Safety crowd on my back”, he fumed.
Even the Almighty has weighed in to the dispute. “For heaven's sake, what part of 'I'm a homophobe' do these equality people not understand?”, he thundered. “Everyone knows over half my fire and brimstone supplies are used on smiting this abomination. This whole ark thing was meant to be a family-oriented cruise where heterosexual couples of all species can enjoy themselves in a relaxed atmosphere, while I'm busy drowning everyone else on the planet”. Unusually for an omnipotent deity, he gave in but, He warned, “it's going to be payback time a few years down the road from now, in a certain pair of towns called Sodom and Gomorrah”.