It is an undeniable fact that women are a fan of water beds. Uninspiring sex is made bearable as they imagine they are a sensual mermaid, that is unfortunately having to humor the exacerbated seal on top of her. Insecure males are also inclined to prefer water beds, providing a comforting reminder of their better days camped inside their mother's womb. However, the water bed attracts one specific type of person more than any other; the international 'playboy'. Like a 13 year old desperately reaching for the top shelf, this male will go out of his way to acquire this haven of H20 to please the ultimate prize; the opposite sex.
However, with temperatures rising to 27 degrees in London overnight, they have been left with a rather uncomfortable problem. These havens of H20 have reportedly been transforming into industrial size hot water bottles.
This rather uninvited hindrance has caused havoc among the playboys of London, as they are unable to 'satisfy' as their guest winces with a different kind of pain; the unbearable heat. The playboys' usual sky high confidence has plummeted to nonchalant swagger, with many calling for the government to step in to solve this crisis within their ranks.
One infamous playboy, Ian 'gusher' smith claimed "I just don't know what to do, my bed is reaching boiling point every night because of this bloody good weather. I'm not complaining when the girls are outside wearing next to nothing, but when they're in my bed wearing absolutely nothing, well that's when the problems really begin. Normally I don't mind a shift on my back, but for once I really am keen to put in the work on top".
With such hysteria amongst the playboys during this heatwave, one has to ask, how can they continue their duty within society to show that water beds really are 'cool' and a necessity, but avoid the constant howling and panting during the act. After all, in my experience I've always found sex is a lot like observing a minutes' silence...