Daily mail Journalist, Richard Littlejohn's bile duct has made an adaciaous escape through his nostril. After years of being over worked his former duct is now planning to emigrate to India.
The bile duct is planning to campaign for the release of Mr Littlejohn's remaining organs from his new residence in Mumbai. Although it has conceded that it's already too late for the man's now defunt brain and tiny penis.
The Bile duct read a statement, in front of the Houses of parliment earlier, "After years of having to write spurious, angry nonsense about immigrants and homosexuals on Littlejohn's brain's behalf I finally had enough."
"Why he decided to utilise his bile duct to write his articles rather than using the traditional combination of a brain and heart is a complete fucking mystery. But there was only so much bile I could produce before I was left with no other choice but to escape, or perish within that man's hideous frame. I just wish I could of taken more of his organs with me. It's them who I now pray for."
"I can only hope he doesn't now employ George, his Lower intestines, to continue writing on his mind's behalf about how immigrant's sole purpose on arriving in this country is to seduce our pet cocker spaniels or to sodomise the elderly. When it's so obvious to everyone else that this is so completely not the case."
Unsurpisingly Hollywood studios are falling over themselves to get the film rights to the bile duct's epic story. Jude law is already being touted to play the beleagured duct while Juliet Binoche is expected to play Littlejohn's tiny withered willy.