Once regarded as a harmless low-cost confectionery item, Skittles are now under suspicion from South East London police. It's understood that Eltham police at grass roots level have been briefed to classify Skittles in the same category as machetes, crack cocaine and self-loading firearms.
"Any forward-looking police force needs to take its intelligence cues from material available across the world," Detective Inspector Mike Smythe told the Eltham Courier. "It has recently come to our attention that american studies show the possession of this seemingly harmless fruit-based confectionery treat has strong connections with violence and murder."
Eltham police would neither confirm nor deny that detectives have secretly obtained intelligence about the Skittles-consumption habits of those close to the Lawrence family. But D I Smythe had a warning for Eltham youth. "Steer clear of Skittles whatever colour you are. I mean they are. Or run the risk of becoming an entirely justifiable murder victim. For that matter I'd be careful about Maltesers and Revels."