Despite there being massive amounts of scientific evidence to the contrary, the Daily Mail has published the results of its own research which it claims shows that polar ice caps are not melting, and are in-fact, the victims of theft by visiting gypsies and illegal immigrants, mainly from eastern europe.
Horrified Daily Mail readers have organised an online petition on the Downing Street website in the hope of raising parliamentary questions into why the ice caps are not better protected from theft 'When the army leaves Afghanistan it's next deployment should be to both poles - god how we hate that word - and ensure that these light-fingered terrorists get what they deserve' said Daily Mail editor Paul Dacre.
The Mail is thought to be on the verge of entering an agreement with rival tabloid the Daily Sport to publish joint research proving that not only are large quantities of ice being stolen by gypsies and illegal immigrants, but that Elvis Presley and Shergar are complicit in the unlawful acts.
'Some of the Daily Sport's earlier research that proved Elvis Presely was performing concerts on the moon were quite frankly ridiculous, but if you combine his presence with a racehorse thought to have been stolen by gypsies which they then exloit by making it tow vast quantities of ice. then it all makes sense' added Dacre.