Ministers showed their displeasure with a report from the Resolution Foundation that suggests that rent is 'unaffordable' for one third of low-income families. Or to put it another way, as one coalition aide explained: "...two thirds of families are still not 'out on their ear'".
Despite the tireless efforts of the Department for Work and Pensions to keep "the prols in their place", some impoverished folk have scrapped together enough "coin" to put a roof over their head. One leading Estate Agent was particularly aggrieved: "How are house prices expected to recover, if we have the insolvent living in residential areas? Just like the urban fox, they are an unwelcome nuisance. They will eat the contents of your bins and will often have sex in the street...for cash!"
David Cameron reiterated his vision for "The Big Society" involves the poor living as travelling carnival folk not as neighbours: "It should be possible to find gainful employment for freaks and their families, without putting a strain on the housing market," said one MP. Fortunately, the report concludes, most of southern England is now beyond the reach of less affluent households. It is just the rest of the UK which is infested with the unwashed masses. Should you suspect an indigent has moved into your local area, there is a Pest Control Service you can contact. Katie Hopkins, beloved mother and media guru, has provided a helpful guide to spotting impecunious offspring by their "ridiculous names, malnourished visage and their vestigial tails".