Under a new scheme unveiled by the Publishers’ Association, all new novels could be released in plain covers, without cover art, and without identifying “authors”. Research has shown that it is the “author” content of a piece of fiction that is addictive, with readers becoming dependent on additives like John le Carre, Katie Price and in very unusual cases Jeanette Winterson. It could also mean new unknown writers taking turns using the names Martin Amis or Stephen King, or even those of dead authors like Charlotte Bronte or Anne Widecombe
“We’re seriously looking into compulsory use of pseudo plumes, or as we in the industry call them, nim de noms,” said publishing consultant and author Melchior Peak-Frean , who is responsible for the series of successful “Morose” crime novels set in the fictional town of “Oxford”.
Horrific scenes depicting zombies, violence, hinted sado masochism, or ladies in bikinis next to swimming pools would be banned, and all novels would carry the warning “THIS IS A PACK OF LIES THAT COULD WASTE VALUABLE TIME. LIFE IS SHORT ENOUGH ALREADY”