Thousands of users returned to Facebook today to re-activate their accounts following the announcement from the social network giant that a new 'Pointless Status Filter' has been rolled out worldwide. The PS filter, which uses state-of-the-art word trigger recognition software, will automatically shift any status updates deemed 'crap and unworthy' into a separate folder, which will auto-empty after five days.
Picking up on key-words and sentences like 'my cat', 'can't sleep', 'off to work' and 'I'm bored, lets chat', the groundbreaking software will aim to rid newsfeeds across the globe of mundane and useless pieces of information slowly numbing brain cells across the world.
The software release came about after a record number of deactivations were recorded in 2012, after thousands of people attending the Olympics felt it only right to tell everyone they knew that they were 'definitely at the Olympics' in regular intervals throughout the day, causing an influx of deactivations from bored and frustrated users back at home in their living rooms.
Simon Dent, Chief Software Engineer at Facebook UK said: 'The software works very much in the same way as your email spam folder. For example, when you receive an email from Nigeria trying to sell you the benefits of Turbo-charged Viagara, your spam filter quickly swoops-in and bins it for deletion. The Pointless Status Filter will do the exact same thing, only with status updates about the bloke you only ever spoke to once in school twenty years ago being in the gym, or the news that your ex-work colleague's brother's best friend's daughter received a glowing report in her first term of year 5. We expect this to revolutionise social networking'.
Michelle Evans, a Facebook user who re-activated her account two minutes after the release, said: 'I shut down my Facebook last October after I felt my brain beginning to melt with all the pointless nuggets of information I was feeding it. The last straw for me was seeing my ex-partner's sister's neighbour write "happy birthday" to her grandma, who I'm 100% certain hasn't even got a Facebook account'.
Shortly after the release, Facebook also announced that they're currently testing more software due for release next year, that will use clever 'biometric analysis tools' that will prevent users from uploading more than three pictures of their children per-year, Instagram pictures of their food, or snaps of themselves in Manchester Airport Terminal One bar, drinking a sangria at 5am.