Unions representing the nurses and midwives responsible for the psychological and physical rehabilitation for those battling Candy Crush addictions have joined others in stating their "absolute opposition" to recent plans announced to slash pay.
The Royal College of Nursing recently suggested that Candy Crush Rehabilitation had become a separate branch of nursing in itself, and recent figures released confirmed that student placements in the specialist field were over-subscribed, many applicants being recovered addicts themselves, keen to use their experiences to help others.
The game, which was introduced by Facebook last year, is a 'match three' game similar to the popular Bejeweled, and quickly got over forty million users hooked within months. Sandra Perkins, an avid player currently receiving therapy, said she lost her job and gained an astonishing twelve stone in just two weeks after playing the game. 'I only ever stood up to urinate - and I don't mean walking to the bathroom', she said. 'It's going to take years for me to reach normality again'.
Nurse Practitioner Amy Miller, who was the first health professional to highlight the need for dedicated Candy Crush rehab centres to the Health Board, says the game 'spread like the shits on a cruise ship' after its release by Facebook last year, and explained that within just six months, the confirmed number of patients admitted for treatment far exceeded the number of admissions from those suffering crippling cocaine and alcohol addictions.
One Staff Nurse, who says she is 'furious' with the proposed plans to reduce pay, said, 'I would love one of these suits to work in our centre for just one shift. Take it from me that if they did, they'd quickly re-think things. This time last year I was working in A&E, prizing a Philips screwdriver from someones eyeball. Trust me, that was like a trip to Disney World compared to this. This morning I found that one of our patients had smuggled in a packet of Skittles, and was rocking back and forth, frantically arranging each piece in order of colour, before mixing them up and starting again'.
Tetris, once considered 'the methadone of Candy Crush', was introduced by the centre last year in a bid to help wein the patients off the game, but has since failed after patients became immune to the treatment; 'Tetris just isn't fun enough to grasp the attention of these kind of people anymore - we need something stronger. We're currently running a trial where we're introducing a diet of heroin to one of our patients Patricia Carson, knowing that if she becomes a drug addict, she'll be far easier to treat', said Nurse Miller.