Oompa Loompas took to the streets as industrial action against factory owner William Wonka heats up.
The orange men are calling on the European Court of Human Rights to end their indentured servitude to the Wonka Chocolate Factory and free them to live normal, impoverished, racism filled lives like the millions of other immigrants in the UK.
Obesity is a growing problem among Oompa Loompas who work in an environment that is almost 100% edible.
“We look at the Romanians, Poles, and Slovakians out there fruit picking with envy! Even the Chinese looking for cockles on Morecambe Bay have it easier than us! Do you know how many men we’ve lost to the chocolate river this year alone? The damn thing is a calorific nightmare.”
A spokesman for the European Union was less than positive about their chances of helping however: “We still haven’t managed to find Loompaland on the map - we thought it must be near Germany but not a single one of them seems to play or even recognise the Oom-pah so we’re stumped.”
Calls for the Oompa Loompas to receive child care lessons following an incident involving the deaths of several children on a tour of the factory were met with stony silence from the owner, as was any plea for counselling.
Union leader Bob Crow is said to be backing the strike, although he is yet to hear any details of their complaints and in fact he just heard the word strike and started shouting.
Financial remuneration for the workers comes in the form of chocolate beans - another sticking point in negotiations as the exchange rate of cacao beans to the pound is yet to be ratified by the nation’s governments, although it is believed to be significantly stronger than the Euro.
Wonka’s Chocolate Factory’s government advisor Lord Prescott was said to be dumbfounded by the Oompa Loompa’s concerns claiming he “would have killed for a job like that as a hungry teenager”.