The city of London almost collapsed today as telephone lines and internet connections buckled under the demand for information regarding the forthcoming sale of a Royal Male. When interested parties were informed it was actually the proposed sale of the Royal Mail, rather than a flotation of Prince Harry, interest died down to such an extent it was easier to detect the location of a Higg's Boson rather than a potential buyer for the letter and parcel franchise.
Plans to sell off the Royal Mail through a giant flotation on the London Stock Exchange were given the stamp of approval by full time Strictly Come Dancing legend and part time Business Secretary Vince Cable yesterday. Original plans to float the Royal Mail via Amazon and E Bay sunk like a stone following fears of receiving poor customer feedback via their satisfaction surveys.
Cha cha cha Cable told MPs that employees would be given 10% of shares for free, whilst the public would be made to wait patiently in line for the remaining 90% of the shares which will come in 1st and 2nd class divisions. The sale is likely to value the business at £2bn-£3bn which is roughly the price of a book of 12 stamps.
Spokesman for the Communication Workers Union (CWU), former postman in the village of Greendale, Pat Andisblackandwhitecat, said “we have written to express our concerns to Mr Cable and expect the letter to arrive sometime this month. Should our demands not be meet we fully expect to go on strike."
The question as to whether the general public will notice any difference in the efficiency of the postal service during this proposed strike is questionable.
If all goes to plan people can expect to start queuing for shares next April