Following significant failings in satellite technology, a glut of rotten luck was sent, in error, north over the US/Canadian border. While "Conquest, War, Famine and Death" have traditionally ridden on horseback, "Misfortune" has always relied on a 1974 Ford Pinto.
Rather than trusting to the map reading skills of his girlfriend "Whimsy", the cosmic harbinger of calamity chose to put his faith in cheap, non-branded version of Sat Nav (as recommended by his brother-in-law "Capricious"). Subsequently the syrup guzzling nation has been shocked by a series of horrific natural and man-made disasters, normally reserved for their US cousins.
With decades of unlawful wars, election tampering and six seasons of Jersey Shore it was felt that the US "had dodged a bullet" when the unwelcome catastrophes were delivered. The Canadian Ambassador to the UN spoke of his frustration: "Publicly funded health care, the Music of Joni Mitchell and pretending Lacrosse is a sport; should at least protect you from flood and explosions. EH??"
Eyewitnesses attest to seeing "Misfortune" in the Detroit area when the Sat Nav is alleged to have inexplicably adopted a fake Canadian accent. The rather sheepish driver explained to reporters the sequence of events: "The voice just freaked me out. 'Turn aboot. Turn aboot. Turn left at the next roundaboot' What's a 'roundaboot'? By the time I'd figured what was going on we were in Toronto and it was pissing it down."