The parents of nearly-man Tim Henman have spoken of their 'joy and relief' today after they were finally able to head home after admitting to living on Centre Court for seventeen years and two weeks, feeding off food scraps left by spectators and hunting feral pigeons, determined 'not to leave' until they witnessed a British player win the coveted Grand Slam title.
Britain's Andy Murray finally scratched Britain's 77-year-old itch by beating Serbian Novak Djokovic in straight sets to claim the Grand Slam title and the £1,600,000 prize fund to the 'overwhelming delight' of Tony and Jane Henman, who had been patiently sitting in the same seats, without actually going home, since 1996.
After investing an estimated £400,000 on Tim's tennis lessons, orange squash, bananas and racquets, in a bid to witness a Brit lift the trophy, Tim's father Tony explained that, after such a heavy investment of time, money and effort into the sport, they felt they had 'no choice' but to stay until they witnessed what they came there to see. 'We had to be pretty thrifty with how we lived - I was able to construct a fairly sizeable shelter out of discarded cardboard 'Come on Tim' posters. We were given hope when we read in a discarded newspaper that a promising new British hopeful had broken onto the scene - we knew we'd only have to stick it out for another few years after that' said Tony.
Teary eyed, the ex-tennis player's mum spoke outside the complex: 'Winters on Centre Court were an absolute nightmare. People don't realise that, once the nets are packed away and the ball-boys sent home, Centre Court is an empty, dark and very haunting place to be. I burst into tears when Andy won on Sunday - not just because a British man finally won Wimbledon, but because I realised we can finally go home and put this whole tennis ordeal behind us. At last, no more roasted pigeon with clumpy cream'.
Tim, who only ever reached the semi-finals, and had been faking a knee injury since 2007 after being 'too scared' to admit to his parents that he had given up and retired, said: 'Nobody was more relieved than me to see Murray win Wimbledon and to see my folks finally go home. The pressure is finally off - no more pretend hobbling at wincing when I get up off the sofa'