With a little over eleven months until the opening game of the 2014 World Cup in Brazil, FIFA officials remain 'displeased and extremely concerned' with construction progress, which remains 'months' behind schedule, and have drafted in the expertise of Bob the Builder and his team in a bid to 'sort the whole mess out'.
Arriving at Rio Airport this morning, Bob and his anthropormorphised construction vehicles - Scoop, Muck and Dizzy were ready to 'crack some heads and get to work', but when asked about the whereabouts of business partner and probable love interest Wendy, Bob said: 'I've left her back home - I simply
can't handle the drama she brings at the moment'.
After being quizzed about the reasons behind the project changing hands, FIFA official Jurgen Heinz explained he was becoming 'increasingly frustrated' with hearing the words 'no' and 'highly unlikely' from the previous contractors, and as a result was driven to find a crew with a more focused and positive outlook. 'Bobs CV is mind boggling' explained Heinz, 'his enthusiasm and confidence is unrivalled - when I asked if he would be able to meet targets and complete the process before next June, he just poured a tea from his flask and said "yes, yes we can"'
Upon arriving at the Maracana Stadium, where a major revamp had been taking place, Bob quickly declared the site 'unsafe' and immediately set about tasking bulldozer Muck with a complete demolition job. 'We were hoping to just patch-up untidy work with a bit of pointing here and there, but this has gone way beyond that now. We just need to scrap the whole thing and just start again'.
Lofty, Bob's trustworthy crane said the reasons behind their success is not just down to experience - 'as we're not actually human, nor to we technically exist, we have the added advantage of not actually requiring any sleep - so we just keep on going until it's sorted.
In response to reports surfacing in the UK that Bob only took the job to evade a confrontation with Cowboy Builders' Dominic Littlewood amidst claims he 'over-charged' a retired farmer for a quick-fix job on a barn door, Bob said: 'I'm not avoiding anything; Dom knows where I am. I have a long list of satisfied customers, and I'm happy to sit down with him and discuss the issue once I'm done here'