The terrorist threat level in Scotland has been raised to 'Jings, crivvens, help ma boab', just one level below, 'We're fucked Morag, absolutely fucked'.
The Scottish intelligence services would not be drawn on what spurred the move but it is believed 'suspicious chatter' was heard on diplomatic channels.
Lt Rab McGregor from the Scottish Intelligence Service said, 'We heard some cunt say he was going to come after us. After us?! I'm no having that. Let's get this threat level raised and get some fucking hauners here'.
Previously the terrorist threat level had been sitting on 'michty', the second stage of the level. It has been over a decade since the level was last at its lowest setting, 'Ach'.