Former Apprentice contestant, businesswoman and current speaker on behalf on the upper classes, Katie Hopkins has announced that she is to run for Prime Minister, fresh on the heels of her recent celebrity status on YouTube.
When asked what her policies were, professional marriage wrecker Hopkins stated "Well obviously my first duty will be to get rid of the undesirables in this fair country of ours. I'm often out shopping or texting my nannies checking up on the status of my children when I find myself walking dangerous close to poor or, god forbid, fat people. On occasion, I've brushed past someone on a lower wage bracket than I would consider to be respectable and it's ruined my whole day. I just feel dirty afterwards."
We then asked Hopkins, as she tweeted her disdain for people named 'Chanterelle', how she would go about eliminating these miscreants "First of all, I would eliminate any and all public health care for people considered to be obese or overweight. That way, when these walking blobs of lard have their eventual heart attacks they'll be no-one to revive them because let's face it, they've been put out of their misery. They've certainly been put out of mine.
After then laying down her plans to have tattoos made illegal with anyone carrying one subject to a lengthy prison sentence, Hopkins then details how she would deal with the troubling epidemic of 'lower-class names'.
"Anyone with a name that I don't consider to be able to amount to anything will not get a full education. They'll be taught up to the age of twelve the basics, we need someone to serve us our lattes of course but after that they shouldn't expect a thing because we won't be giving it. Best to get them into work and out-of-sight as soon as possible. This will apply for names that belong to celebrities, footballers, reality TV shows, alternative spelling for names and geographical locatons... this of course won't apply to my daughter India. She's a special case, because I say so."
Amazingly, some members of the Conservatives are unofficially backing Hopkins bid. George Osborne is allegedly fully in support of these measures, having been overheard to have said how pleased he was someone was standing up to these 'wastes of oxygen'.
Hopkins admits that she has received opposition from people online, but insisted that these 'layabouts' are just "jealous of my success".