Bean counters at ITV have been identifying waste at the beleagured organisation and they have discovered several areas where staff are paid massive wages that could be carried out by machines, or even chimpanzees.
'We were amazed to discover that TV sports broadcasters employ highly paid journalists purely to stick a microphone under a footballer and ask him the same question, over and over again,' said one auditor. 'This is massive overkill. You don't need a pulitzer prize winner to ask how important that first goal was.'
Now, at the end of each game, footballers from the winning team will be asked to report to an automated question machine. The machine could also be configured to ask an extra question, to a member of the losing team. 'Are you disappointed with the result today?'
Auditors are confident that the wages of one highly paid sports journalist could be saved using the automated interviewing machine. But there are even bigger savings to be made. Matt Smith, the anchor, could equally be replaced. His single function could be replaced by a machine that open the programme with the words 'It's all about bragging rights' and then asks Robbie Earle 'What did you make of that game'.
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