A recent survey by the Council of Pretentious Songwriting has revealed that an ancient track by beardy tree-hugging crooner Cat Stevens - Matthew And Son - from the days of black and white television, paper boys and milkmen has set the template for the current state of industrial relations.
Which is not good news for people who get their hands dirty for a living. (Unless they're car mechanics - the robbing bastards.)
It seems that what was once a fanciful excuse for hippies avoiding having to get up for a pre-set time (Preferably prior to 4pm) in order to earn a crust and contribute a few bob to the economy, has now become the sole domain of Eastern European immigrants.
And with good reason.
An overwhelming majority of British natives decided for themselves - way back in the 1960's and early '70's that working all day, with a cup of cold coffee and a piece of cake at break time was no way to promote good industrial relations.
Neither was working for fifty years and never daring to ask for a pay rise.
So everybody quite sensibly decided to go to uni and do Media Studies, or work in call centres, or supermarkets. And who could honestly blame them?
Alex from Poland explains:
"I came here believing in the myth of British 'fair play' - Britain is renowned for this the world over. And yet when I came here - I got a job quite quickly, but I found myself surrounded by idiots. I'm not kidding. Most of the people I encountered couldn't even speak English - and they were English. I spoke better and more eloquently than them. And they cannot spell, not even in English. Christ on a skateboard - what's going on here?"
The reality is that nobody really knows, but similar questions revealed similar results.
Dimitri, a Lithuanian who works in a food processing plant said:
"I seriously pissed off. I am working with idiots (echoing Alex from Poland.) It's crazy here. At first it was good - then they take away the radio, and say cannot smoke on works property. Cannot use phone, cannot eat unless in designated area. Cannot park car in car park if having a cigarette. Have to wear hard hat at all times. Cannot whistle or get sack. Health and Safety gone mad. Last week - overhead crane fail and two ton engine block fall on man's head. Him killed instantly. Splattered. All Health and Safety people worried about was if him am wear steel toe cap safety boot? Boots fine - him proper fucked. Boots make no difference. It load of old shite. Head and body squashed flat. Him dead - feet in one piece. It's crazy. Health and safety ruining this country. I make suggestion to Safety Officer at work. Wear face mask. Why? Because she so ugly it sinful."