Tesco one of the world’s largest supermarket chains said they have been forced to put all of their Public Relations department on permanent leave after they collectively decided ‘they couldn’t be arsed anymore’.
The dramatic announcement from Tesco one of the world’s largest supermarket chains now means they will have to rely on till operators, lorry drivers and middle management ‘nobodies’ for all its press and publicity material.
Bakery Assistant Geoff from the East Croydon branch of Tesco, one of the world’s largest supermarket chains, said that “It’s a great idea…although I was surprised they asked me due to my barely disguised racist views and the fact I openly tell everyone I masturbate into the muffin mix”, while Nigel who works on the fish counter in the Swansea store and has been made ‘Facebook’ coordinator said he is looking forward to “liking any images of girls showing cleavage”.
It is hoped that the upside to the decision will mean members of the public will be kept up-to-date with insignificant, crushingly dull, day-to-day, Tesco operational twaddle, that no one in their right mind would either care about or want to know. Examples included knowing whether or not a lorry arrived 2 hours late after crushing a cyclist on the A303, if Sharon on Cheese can work the 2 till 10 shift next Wednesday after her court appearance and how many staff the company have successfully made redundant with warehouse closers.
The board of Tesco, one of the world’s largest supermarket chains, seemed to be in agreement with the fall-back plan “Why have trained PR and marketing people with degrees and qualifications, that sort of nonsense, when instead you can have grey looking, office bound middle management types thoughtlessly bashing out there unvetted barely thought out dribble to over 60 million people who don’t really give a shit anyway…what could possibly go wrong”.
“the ultimate aim is to allow even the most moronically incompetent members of our staff to instantly tweet the full contents of their brain no matter how mental or ill advised the thought may be…we don’t think the 140 character limit will be a problem.”