The welsh assembly, fed up with Wales being used as a diminutive measurement of area, has decided to expand by 30%. Conventionally this would be done by invading a neighbouring country, but being a bit short of tanks the Welsh Government have decided to take advantage of geography in a shameless bit of self promotion.
Traditionally the area of a country would be determined by measuring from a flat map or looking it up on google earth. Wales has the advantage of being a bit more crinkly than most, so they can also use all the slopes up and down the hills to increase the surface area.
Alun Davies, the Minister for Natural Resources and Food when announcing the initiative, said “It’s like when people say ‘equivalent to five Olympic Swimming Pools’, what about the depth of water? Height has to be taken into account or the calculation will be way out. Wales needs to maximise the use of all our resources, including the lumpy bits that visitors to Cardiff never get to see.”
A crack team of cartographers and geographers headed up by Nicholas Crane has been set the task of walking around the coast and then adding up all the angles to come with a new official area. The team has already been working on the area of Yorkshire, but have so far not arrived at a definitive answer. “They keep hiding the best bits of Yorkshire away from us” said Mr Crane. “I don’t think this will be a problem here in Wales”.
The target for a 30% increase, when achieved, will move Wales up the world area league table by 6 places, leaving Slovenia way behind and placing themselves firmly amongst the heavyweights of Haiti, Belize and Rwanda. Falling short of this target is not an option, and ministers have promised to nick a bit of unloved Irish sea bed if necessary. As a last resort they may even take back Oswestry.