It has now been confirmed that the South African leader spent the last few weeks malingering just for the sake of a comfortable bed and being waited on hand and foot by nurses. The health trust is considering whether to fine him for wasting hospital time.
“I was just joking with one of the other nurses when I said he'd be flown to England for treatment at mid-Staffordshire Hospital”, said nurse Rachel Samotu. “Next thing I knew, he was sitting bolt upright in bed saying, 'Hand me my trousers'. In five minutes, he was hot-footing it out the door, saying something about how he'd rather go back to Robben Island”.