Having recently visited Nelson Mandela's Robben Island jail, President Obama was pleased to announce that the U.S. is still the world's leader in incarcerating ethnic minorities. Having already trumped Stalinist Russia for percentage of people imprisoned; the U.S. can take pride from jailing five times as many "black males" (per 100,000 of the population) than South Africa at the end of the Apartheid era (1993).
One member of the Obama retinue, admitted they had been a bit nervous before the numbers were confirmed. "Admittedly there has been some stiff competition from Australia," he said. "particularly in the Northern Territory, where over 3/4 of the prison population is Indigenous. However, U.S. intuitional racism doesn't stop discriminating with the black population, once you factor in those lucky Hispanics, America stands head and shoulders above the rest."
Mr Obama wrote in the Robben Island guest book: "The world is grateful for the heroes of Robben Island" Adding, this was a clear vindication that spartan cells, long sentences and brutal wardens do create men of "courage". If only the South African's had had the same courage to privatize their penal system and embrace the American Dream, a greater number of them might have turned to crime to overcome inequality and eliminate relative deprivation. "Nelson Mandela doesn't know how lucky he was," explained one Texan. "Tough prisons are character building. Nothing is more likely to inspire future Nobel prize winners than the threat of execution, physical molestation and having to s**t in a bucket."