The hypochondriac community is in mourning today as their oldest member, Robert Henford, passed away. Friends say he had been feeling unwell for about 80 years or so.
“He was always ahead of the game”, said his friend, 89-year-old Steve Gardner. “no matter what new disease came along, he was feeling the symptoms as soon as it was in the papers”.
In 1925, he was sent home from school with sweats and tummy-ache, and rarely felt well since. He was exempted from WW2 service on health grounds, breaking all previous records with the portfolio of ailments he presented to the recruitment authorities.
Mr Henford, who was already reporting HIV symptoms in the 1970s, was cremated privately. None of his friends in the hypochondriac community felt well enough to attend.