Professor Jorge Jorgensen, Icelandic co-inventor of the 'Hot and Cold Flush Extractor Cape', a device which will save millions of women from suffering and add limitless free power to the grid, was found dead outside his Reykjavik home late last night. Jorgensen was taking out the monthly trash -- a teaspoonful of non-compostable waste -- when he was set upon by an angry mob of middle-aged women who had read a recent report about his invention.
He is survived by his wife, Jorgina Jorgensdottir, sole beneficiary of his estate. As the coroner wheeled away her husband's battered corpse, Jorgina modelled the cape for snapping amateur photogs. When asked about rumours that Jorgensen had contemplated trading her in for a younger model and why she, as co-inventor and patent-sharer of the device, had happily approved a press release which was 'quite derogatory to her, a right insensitive, sexist pig-ass tirade', according to one flushed, irate bystander, Jorgina smiled and appeared to dodge the questions:
"There just wasn't room to say we'd worked on this together for years, dahling. I must take comfort in the knowledge that his last words to me were "yes, dear".' The seemingly merry widow then twirled and, cape sparkling in the glow from volcanic-powered streetlights, added, 'I have no more tears to shed. Dahlings.'