Prolific military contractor Edward Snowden has fled his home server of 'America' after finding out that his 'Username was already taken'.
There'SnowStoppingMe, but both of them were taken according to the America server." the self-proclaimed nerd complained. "I thought I'd struck gold with
NationalSecrets but apparently I'd already taken that one too..."
After retrying the latter username, the distraught contractor then found himself completely locked out of the server altogether and having to switch sites:
"I didn't have anywhere to go for a bit, but faced with having to sign out and go outside, I decided having a crack at this
China server I heard about. I tried
Edders69 again, but apparently that didn't follow their rules - you have to have at least six Chinese characters, two numbers, A cymbal, two pianists and no more than zero concerns for your human rights."
It is understood that the America server then attempted to snatch the Edders69 username back from china in an attempt to get Mr Snowden back, but the attempt failed because "We spelt Edders with one 'd' instead of two." according to the US Security General, who went on to say that "We suspected he'd entered the matrix for a bit, did a Google search and found out he'd loaded up 'Ryanair.exe'. We kinda hoped it would crash but..."
On an unrelated note, A certain Eders69 has been transferred back to the America server and been added to the group "Guantanamo Bay", despite rumors that it was offline
Being a contractor, Mr Snowden disappeared for a bit longer, before turning up again with more money, more confidence and smelling of starbucks. He refused to talk about his experiance in Tḩ̔̀É̓̋ͮͪ̕ ̂ͣ̌ͥ͂͌͝Mͩ͋̆a̷ͤ̋ͭ̀̆͐͆͘͞t͛ͪ͛҉R̓̑̀ͣ̂̌̈ͥ́iͪ́̾͒ͪ̀͢͠x͒̀ ̴̊ͥͯͬͪ̔ͤ͞, though we sỈ͆̑s̐ͩ͌ͫ̑́̽͏ ͯ̎̏ͫ̽ͪ̅̀̕C̴̨ͮ̒̕0ͦ̅͑̀Rͩ̒ͨ̓͗ͫ́̚R̵͑̊͑̚Uͤ̿͗͏̴̷p̢̡ͪ͘ṕ̸̾͠P̨͒̾ͦ̒̓ͧt̒̍̑3̧̉̈́͟͞d̨͐̒̌̾̑̑̌̋͐, but he did have this to s̄͗ͣ̌͂̉̋̕͢ã̇͗̀̔̚y̶̛ͥ͂͛ͭ
"I tried the Moscow site, but I've not had much luck... I'm still stuck on the landing page..."