Chief executives at Endemol, the light entertainment production company responsible for the reality TV show Big Brother, countered reports that the series will be axed with the announcement that from this autumn the show will be extended to include the entire UK population.
Plans to extend the popular show had been pending for some time, but the deciding factor was the government sell-off of the Police National Computer database last month. “We quickly snapped that one up. Now we’ve got the whole set,” said Endemol spokesperson Eric Blair, “and the price was right too. Ever since those laptops went missing on the Bakerloo Line the going price for the entire database had come right down.”
This was the latest in a long line of database acquisitions which include the NHS Patient Records Database, the entire records of the DVLA including live feeds from over 6,000 speed cameras nationwide, and the Local Lending Library Service database.
At the Endemol press conference, Mr Blair announced, “The infrastructure is already in place with CCTV, internet logs and Facebook, to name but a few, and we already own most of the government databases. We feel the public are ready. Most British residents already own webcams, GPS devices and mobile phones and have an insatiable desire to write about themselves via blogs, Facebook profiles, or Twitter feeds. It’s just a matter of connecting all the wires.”
“This will no longer be flippant entertainment for students and the unemployed. We will provide a service for the good of the nation.”
Police chiefs and politicians have welcomed the move as “a commendable streamlining of resources which is much needed in these tough economic times.”
Government authorities will still have full access to the databases after watching a short targeted advertisement, though this can be removed for a small monthly fee.
From the autumn UK residents will be able to follow in real-time the activities and records of anyone in the country. They will also get immediate feedback about how popular they are in the eyes of everyone else.
After the press conference, an Endemol employee told us, “You’ll not only get to know what your friends and work colleagues are really saying about you, but also whether your library book is overdue and if you have any outstanding speeding fines. And with a few easy clicks you’ll be able to find out whether your boss has you lined up for a pay rise and whether Jenny from accounts really did have a boob job.”
Human rights activists and privacy campaigners have raised concerns that Endemol’s monopoly of all the UK’s major databases and real-time unrestricted information is “a serious infringement of civil liberties and yet another erosion of our basic human dignity.”
An Endemol spokesman replied quoting the new company motto: “If you’ve got nothing to hide, you’ve got nothing to fear,” though from the autumn this will be changed to “You’ve got nothing to hide.”
He later added, “Besides, all you privacy advocates have only got an average of 3.2 friends according to our Facebook records, and you’re all flagged up as potential pedophiles. Oh, and your copy of ‘The Internet For Dummies’ is overdue.”
Big Brother house to be extended to the whole of the UK
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Chief executives at Endemol, the light entertainment production company responsible for the reality TV show Big Brother, countered reports that the series will be axed with the announcement that from this autumn the show will be extended to include the entire UK population.Posted 3 years ago #
Too long, but a neat idea - 4.2.Posted 3 years ago #
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