Spontaneous street parties erupted across the whole of the UK today following news that the HS2 rail link between London and Manchester would be ready to open in 2032, assuming of couse there are no delays to the build programme.
'I can't wait for HS2, but it seems I'll have to' said Brian Wardle a 52 year old management consultant from Cheshire 'I would love to be whisked down to London in a proper train, rather than rely on the photon transmission devices which would send me there instantly. It's just a pity I will have been retired for five years then, and won't be able to afford the fare. Still, let's have a glass of bubbly to celebrate.'
Tom Brady from letsparty.com reported that his online store had sold over 20 million bottles of champagne when the news was released earlier today 'We were already low on stocks as people had also started to celebrate the planned opening of Runway 3 at Heathrow in 2030'.
The people of Scotland and Wales are all said to be delighted by the announcement, despite the £50Bn investment not going anywhere near them 'We wish the English well, let's buy them a pint' was the concensus reached by many unemployed occupants of tenented buildings in Glasgow and Swansea.
A ministry of transport official confirmed that both Runway 3 and HS2 would open when planned and that there 'Was no possibility of such critical national infrastructure being delayed by the action of protestors' adding 'Look at that, some bastard has let down my bike tyres, I'll miss my train home.'