Environmental groups and Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall are up in arms over the Department of Fisheries proposal to reduce regulation in UK waters. Many consider commercial fleet fishing to be wholly unsustainable, in particular when only popular fish are targeted.
Fearnley-Whittingstall is a fierce advocate of sustainable fishing and has long promoted the fish your weight ethos in which each fisherperson is only permitted to catch their equivalent body weight in fish or other ocean dwelling creatures. In a recent documentary to illustrate the wasteful nature of over-fishing HFW released a container full of surplus fish - which would ordinarily be discarded at sea - onto a Cumbrian beach but he failed to inform anyone of his plan and the fish subsequently rotted causing an unpleasant odour in the surrounding area. He also attempted to increase the popularity of widely derided fish which are abundant in UK waters such as the Herring and the Kite-Salmon; however his avant-garde experiments with exotic ingredients such as vinegar culminated in the closure of the local chip shop he enlisted to assist in his cause.
Under the new proposals the majority of quotas and regulations will be removed and replaced with what is being touted as a common sense-awareness approach. Educational pamphlets will be issued to all commercial fishing companies highlighting the importance of sustainability and all staff employed within the industry will be made to watch a short film narrated by a two dimensional depiction of Poseidon. The film will cover the dangers of over-fishing, and will also highlight the retributional power wielded by Poseidon to deter those who may flout the vague recommendations.
The Dept for Fisheries are also keen to point out that should the proposals be successful, the restrictions on quotas of particularly revered fish will be tightened. Scampi, the breaded queen of the seas, will be limited to one standard 500g bag per fisherperson per day whilst fish fingers will be limited to 27 individual fingers per person per week. Due to the privatisation and subsequent loss of interest of the Maritime & Coastguard agency the DOF will have to rely on honest fisherman and the public to root out corruption, and have set up a 24 hour scampi hotline to which you can report any suspected over-fishing or general un-seaworthy behaviour.
A spokesperson for the DOF said the following, "As catastrophic as climate change may turn out to be, the rising sea levels will almost certainly increase the amount of fish as there will be more space for them to share. Forrest Gump made millions over-fishing shrimp yet no one complained and I very much doubt anyone would chastise Captain Birdseye for having a few extra fish fingers on the Captains table". The United Kingdom Ocean Collective has deep reservations about the proposed move but welcome the new quotas for breaded fish as their discarded crumbs are an essential part of the ecosystem.