The BBC today unveiled its autumn schedule today which will be headlined by a new fly on the wall paper documentary called “Paint Dry Live”.
The programme will be hosted by Ant & Dec although insiders have revealed the initial choice was ex teenage heartthrobs Matt & Luke Gloss from the band Bros only to them changed at the eleventh hour when TV bosses found out their surname was actually Gross.
Paint dry live feature colour matching, emulsioning and glossing with an hour long special on paint mixing. A special house near Salford has been found and gutted, (although not by the BBC) for the week long telecast and it has been revealed ground breaking new techniques will be used to film the paint including eighteen different camera angles on a lounge wall, heat sensing cameras and a patented “Paint smell detector”. Ant and Dec will be joined by regular “Watchers” Kate Humble and Dan Snow who will be looking at the historical impact of Gloss on our nation and Zoologist Chris Packem will found just why small flies insist on getting stuck on freshly painted skirting boards. The actual hard work will be done by two new comers a Mockney painter called Matt and his cross dressing side kick handy Andrea.
Bosses at B & Q were hope for a so called Delia effect and shipping in extra supplies of paint and painting paraphenailia.
The BBC were at pains to state they were not going to do the paint based format to death and denied rumours of spin off programmes called “Paintwatch” and a decorating based historical talent show named “Britain’s got distemper”
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