Child Protection agencies have asked for an urgent meeting with Government officials to clarify if the Secretary of State for Education had inadvertently instigated a pupil "kidnapping" policy. Known for his pro-active approach to headline grabbing but his rather lackadaisical grasp of detail, a senior Civil Servant admitted Mr.Gove may well have "fired his mouth off without engaging his noggin".
Brian Lightman, general secretary of the Association of Teachers and College Leaders, had already warned Mr. Gove that "harking back to a bygone era" of 1950's values may unintentionally have drawn attention to the sexually precocious atmosphere of St Trinian's. With such a heightened rhetoric it is conceivable that students and staff may have misunderstood the firm but fruity stance of the Secretary of State. Having the focus on end-of-course activities, students may find their final year excessively emotional. With the absence of any Arts based subjects in Mr. Gove's new system, students would be unaware how clichéd eloping with a teacher really is.
An Education spokesman made a rigorous defence of the changes to GCSEs: "Mr. Gove has made it perfectly clear that he wants the curriculum emphasis to be on enabling or grooming subjects. He expects Staff to spend significantly more hours with students, using mobile and other 21st century technologies to develop their literacy. This should be followed by intensive Biology one to ones, with much of the focus on Maths Teachers. Then supplement this with Geography Field Trips to Europe to practice their Modern Languages and...wait...what did I just say?...um...no...I didn't mean....oh dear..."
And what about History? "That would be Jeremy Forrest's career," he added sheepishly.