The Department of the Environment is planning to win over humanitarian activists opposed to killing badgers by launching a parallel cull of contestants in Big Brother and other reality TV programmes.
“When you want to kill off cuddly animals like the badger, you need to know how to sell it to people”, said Defra spokesman Larry Wise. “I think we can all agree that no one is going to stand up for reality TV stars. Something had to be done about them sooner or later. They weren't even known in England twenty years ago, and now they're multiplying so fast it's frightening”.
The two-prong approach will see an 80 percent reduction in the population of these individuals infesting the TV schedules and newspapers.
“We've had talks with animal rights groups and their reaction was very positive”, said Mr Wise. “They were sceptical at first, but then we showed them some footage of a few reality TV shows and they were aghast – most of them had no idea of the extent of the problem. Some of them wanted to buy shotguns and do the job themselves”.