According to sources, the diplomatic community is about to be rocked by a new scandal. The Department for Work and Pensions claim Embassy officials in London have been avoiding the "under-occupancy penalty” by stuffing their spare rooms with a series of high profile “whistleblowers”.
Not content with diplomatic immunity and £58m in unpaid congestion charges, Ambassadors have been “cooking the books” by offering asylum to “anyone with a Facebook account and bad press”. One hard pushed Diplomat and mother of three said: “What with the expense account, subsidized meals and basic $300,000 annual salary; I don’t how I’m going to make ends meet.”
Ian Duncan Smith is said to be very concerned that many of these so-called “leakers” may in fact be bogus. For instance, Julian Assange moved into the Ecuadorian embassy shortly after having his Disability Living Allowance cut. A spokesman said: “There is a growing body of evidence to suggest that these ‘whistleblowers’ are not fighting for freedom of information but are simply avoiding paying their parents rent. Most ‘leakers’ are only motivated by online dating, an increased Twitter following and all the Ferrero Rocher they can eat.”
The U.S. has already identified Bradley Manning as a potential “flight risk”, given that he owes $15.77 on his mobile phone contact. In the last few days, Edward Snowden has said that he has a "predisposition to seek asylum in a country with shared values"; in reality he may be simply trying to avoid a library fine from 1988.