As the last strand of his hair hit his local barbershop floor, Calvin Daniels saw his future and immediately summarized, ‘No will shag that guy.
Calvin has always carried a bit of weight but managed to pick up women due to his charm, ‘the might say they like muscles but they really just want some to cuddle and laugh with,’ he offered. Those days will soon be behind him.
Even when it was pointed out by co-worker’s Calvin ignored the signs, tried to convince himself that it had always been that way, then, three weeks ago, everything changed. ‘My hair was covered in shampoo but rather than rinse it out, I decide to slick it all back so I could look like Don Draper. When I looked in the mirror I was expecting to see something resembling the chiselled good looks of John Hamm, instead I noticed that my hairline was in a ‘u’ shape. I am going bald; I can no longer deny it.’
Naturally, Calvin wondered how he would look once God had finished cruelly plucking his youth from his head, single hair by single hair. So, he decided he needed to do something radical, he decided to shave his head. The barber pleaded with him, ‘a No.1 is really tight,’ but Calvin was having none of it, he persevered.
‘I immediately regret this,’ stated Calvin, ‘I’m bald, fat dude – damn, I say dude as well? What woman would want me now? Seeing my future has left we with two options, 1] pray to a God I’m not sure exists and ask him to leave my hair alone, or 2] make some real life altering decisions so I can lose some weight. It is not really a choice; of course, there is only one realistic option. Wish me luck.’
‘Out father, who art in heaven…’