The phase of world history known as the Industrial Revolution, historically led by Great Britain and resulting in the Great British Empire, is to end this week, according to a leaked government document.
The announcement is expected to be made during Prime Minister’s Question Time next Thursday, when the Honourable Member for Darlington will ask the Prime Minister “What’s fucking great about this shit-hole?”
According to the leaked document, the Prime Minister will reply: “Fuck all, if you ask me. We’ve got all the coal we need, thanks, and we’ve subcontracted the railway network to private enterprise, so you can go back to your agrarian economy any time you want. With the Speaker’s permission, can the House now concentrate on the main issue which is the relaxation of trade restrictions regarding goods imported from China?”
Denying any implication of a top-level security leak, an intelligent MI5 officer explained that the document was made public strictly in compliance with international accord, “as established within the framework of Operation Prism, the CIA having found a parliamentary secretary’s iPhone in a lap-dancing club lavatory not far from Downing Street.”
Commonwealth leaders are said to be against any plan to end the industrial revolution, one such leader pointing out that African slaves are now volunteering to get to Liverpool, whether as stowaways in aircraft undercarriages or as drugs mules. “Instead of turning our backs on the greatness of the British Empire, we should be accommodating expansion in the form of millions of sex workers from across the European Union and beyond," he said.
The Prime Minister’s office was unavailable for comment owing to a power failure in Deli.