The latest decison by the Creator of the Universe has ignited the biggest controversy since the Flood, and is being described by experts in theology as the last big divine decision before the Second Coming. In a major break with tradition, He has promised a solid guarantee for a 5-year duration on all His products from 2015.
In a press statement issued by one of His celestial retainers, He says that turning out creatures with an uncertain lifespan was not good enough for the 21st century. He also apologised for the "nasty, brutish and short" policy of the past. This is believed to be in response to competition from the emerging Asian market, says one Catholic bishop, who admits the Vatican “didn't see this one coming”. He says that such things as Kia's 7-year guarantee on cars were beginning to embarrass a Being who prided Himself in being all-knowing and omnipotent turning out shoddy products that could slip off the mortal coil within days.
The Archbishop of Canterbury has welcomed the move as a step towards a more "caring and consumer-friendly" method of organising Creation, but others in the Christian community dismiss it as too little, too late. "The least He could have done was guarantee us the three score years and ten", says Methodist minister Simon Evans. “Even the Chinese are giving 5-year warranties on their products these days".
Meanwhile Professor Richard Dawkins ridiculed the whole exercise as a "pathetic publictiy stunt by a non-existent being in a last-ditch attempt to convince people he's real”.