Following a successful campaign to dye toxic pools black to deter swimmers, High Peak Borough has decided to extend the scheme to include other potential dangers. Changing the pictorial representation of hazards, to assist the “hard of understanding”, will see an end to Darwin’s theory of evolution.
Taking their cue from the warning images on cigarette packets, Council representatives will be adding horse head labels to all meat products, squashed toddlers will be stenciled on to roadways and Eric Pickles will become the face of Ginsters’ Pies.
A spokesmen for the Council explained the reasoning behind the initiative: “The Public no longer take the time to read warning labels. They only comprehend something is bad for them if it looks bad,” he continued. “With that in mind we are covering all widescreen TVs with images of opiates, all advertising will link directly to the Greek austerity plan and all PC screensavers will just be a pair of undulating breasts.”
More subtle forms of subliminal warnings may be used : “For instance anyone from the 70s will be required to wear one of these,” said the spokesmen, pointing towards a pile of Child Catcher Masks - courtesy of Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang. ”Coalition budgets will be replaced by samples of Botchalism. While Michael Gove’s thought process will represented by a leprous, Dodo being spit-roasted by The Krankies.”