Michael Govesworth, a former pupil at St Custards skool somewhere in England who is now the educashun secretary, hav put forward some proposals to mak GCSEs harder. This will mean grading from 8 to 1 to suit mad maths master Sigismund Arbuthnot, but will also mean having to read a hole play by Shakespeare, chiz.
From 2015, controlled assessments will be scrapped, meaning more time to set off stink bombs in chemistry, which is whizz, but exams will be based on a ‘more stretching, essay-based system’ whatever that mean, and the pass mark will be pushed higher, to ensure that everybode get a proper educashun like Govesworth did.
According to recent surveys which Govesworth sa must be true becos they were in the daily mail, one in five children at skool today think Winston Churchill was a fictional character but Sherlock Holmes was real. And unlike when Govesworth was at St Custards and science was about atoms and rockets and other good stuff, now they acktually get asked if grilled fish is healthier than battered sausages, chiz.
This is proving controvershal with teechers and the opposition. Shadow educashun secretary Stephen Twigg he sa the government is ‘creating ‘uncertainty for pupils and parents’, all Govesworth’s reforms are ‘playing politics with childrens educashun’ and furthermore Govesworth is uterly wet and a weed, like his skool frend Fotherington-Thomas who would skip about saying hullo trees, hullo clouds and who hav now changed his name to Nick Clegg.
Twigg he also sa Govesworth only got to be educashun secretary because he was at Oxford with his grate frend Cameron 2, who hav given all the top jobs to his chums from St Custards and Eton, as any fule kno, except Theresa May who is not only the scary home secretary but a GURL to boot.
Govesworth he sa Laber are the ones who presided over the decline in standards but Ed Balls, hes the skool buly, he sa ‘the tories want to bring in selecshun by the back door’, then they say tis tisnt tis tisnt and roll about clouting everybody until mad speaker John Bercow come to brake it up, mace descends on despatch box and shouts ORDER ORDER or I set my wife on you, whack oo gosh oo gosh.
[Hat tip to sillybugger]