The Rolling Stones have announced that they will charge £50 per person for breathing at Glastonbury.
'We gotta make some dough, man,' said a spokesperson for Sir Mick Jagger's spokesperson's PA's marketing organisation. 'My seventeen houses all over the world doesn't run theirselves,' he added. 'An' Keef has got factories everywhere to make 'is drugs. Ronnie's got loadsa wives an fings to support, and Charlie - well, Charlie's cheap to run. But don't forget it's only rock and roll, man! We're the people's band. We never forget our roots - oh no, sorry, I meant Coutts.'
There has been no confirmation that everyone on Earth will shortly have to pay £100 each to think about The Rolling Stones.