David Cameron went into meltdown yesterday after hearing William Hague promise that all GCHQ operations are legal.
'What the hell's the good of that?' he roared. 'A legal spy operation? Whoever heard of such a ridiculous thing! The clue's in the name - spying! So what does that idiot from oop t'north want? Someone turns up at Abu Qatada's house, and says "Good morning, Mr Qatada, I'm from GCHQ, would you mind if we install lots of bugging devices in your house please!"?
'The whole point of spying is that it's illegal! Undercover! Secret! Of course we get stuff from America! At least they openly admit that everything they do is above the law. If William "Mr Legal" Hague had his way, we'd be lucky to find out what's on television! I want gangs infiltrated, emails read, phone calls intercepted, letters opened, people in disguise, fast cars, helicopters, pointless downhill skiing, M, SPECTRE, Miss Moneypenny and above all gorgeous foreign girls with names like Agona Screwyoo and Taykama Pantsoff.
'So from now on, I'm going to make sure that everything GCHQ does is 100% illegal, or my name's not Cameron - Dave Cameron...'