William Hague has declared that GCHQ doesn't exist, dismissing it as an urban myth. He says that the saturation coverage that it's receiving in the press is nothing more than conspiracy-fuelled scaremongering and that those who claim to work there are delusional because it isn't there.
Speaking earlier today he said "The large government-run instillation in Cheltenham is in fact JUICY HQ, a project set up my Her Majesty's Most Benevolent Government to monitor the juiceiness and all round quality of citrus fruits that are distributed to the British people, a matter that is of the utmost concern to this Government. This is clearly the cause of all the confusion regarding this spying nonsense. We were hoping to keep it as a surprise for the public and unveil at a special event but those meddling press types have spoiled it for everyone now, " he sighed.
He added that the people of Britain should stop worrying their silly little heads over such foolishness and concentrate on more important matters such as chatting and being polite. "And don't forget," he said, "Christmas is but six months away and getting closer by the day and thanks to the hard work of the people at JUICY HQ we can look forward to enjoying the finest quality tangerines that have ever been made available to the great and sensible British public. Are you getting excited yet? I know I am!"