Departing attendees have expressed disappointment that the rules of secrecy around the Bilderberg Group have been broken, after an anonymous whistle-blower told the media that the weekend has been like “one long frat party”.
The attendee claimed that whilst he had been expecting agenda setting discussions with the world’s most powerful people, at the event in Watford, UK, the weekend had in fact consisted of drinking competitions, semi-nudity and bizarre initiation rituals, telling the press “When I received my invitation, right at the top it said “What goes on at Bilderberg, stays at Bilderberg”, but I had no idea it would essentially be a high powered stag do”.
The weekend apparently began with a sit down meal which quickly degenerated into an undignified melee. According to the source, as the appointed ‘King of the Berg’, for the weekend Eric Schmidt of Google sat in a raised throne overlooking the debauchery, “Every time he sounded a horn they brought another round of drinks. To be honest, by 9pm I was already pretty wasted. And that was even before the ‘It’s A Global Conspiracy Knockout’ contest started”.
The whistle-blower also claimed to have suffered personal injury when challenged to an arm wrestle by former US Secretary of State Henry Kissinger. “I had just arrived and I thought he was reaching to shake my hand. Next thing I knew he had me on the floor begging for mercy.”
He added that none of the expected discussions took place, adding “How was I supposed to talk with Christine Lagarde about restructuring Third World debt when she is trying to out sing the Japanese Prime Minister at strip karaoke?”.
In one hazing ritual, Jeff Bezos of Amazon was seen passing a balloon, filled with vodka, between his knees to UK Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls, “but Balls dropped it and his punishment was to drink the contents” claimed the source. Balls was last seen at 4am Sunday driving a golf cart erratically in the direction of Watford city centre.
The source added that after 24 hours of continuous drinking, he decided to make his excuses and leave. “The last straw came when I saw Bill Gates chasing the Dutch Prime Minister around the outdoor pool, whipping him with a wet towel and shouting at him to take back something he’d said about Windows Vista. Five minutes later they were at the pool bar trying to encourage onlookers into an impromptu performance of Gagman Style”.
The day after the meeting, Bilderberg attendee and US political analyst Alex Jones appeared on the BBC’s Sunday politics show to dismiss the rumours about the meeting. A clearly still drunk Jones attempted to dismiss the rumours by claiming that the meeting was actually part of a global power conspiracy, and that the rumoured activities were “just the high jinks of a minority”. Accused by Andrew Neil of being “a lightweight”, Jones then accepted a challenge to a whisky drinking contest with the BBC man. A date is yet to be set.