A lifelong Star Wars devotee has found his life in disarray after discovering that the blockbuster saga is riddled with scientific inaccuracies and implausibilities.
Tony Mathews, 46, had been a dedicated fan since 1977, collecting thousands of pounds worth of memorabilia and merchandise, attending dozens of conventions, naming his children after Star Wars characters and even describing The Phantom Menace as "somewhat underrated".
Sadly this recently came to an end when his eldest son, Ackbar, gave him a copy of Astrophysics For Dummies as a birthday present.
"It opened my eyes and crushed my soul", says a still distraught Tony. "I'd always assumed that George Lucas had constructed the Star Wars universe with painstaking scientific accuracy so you can imagine my dismay at discovering that there's no sound in space and asteroids don't possess Earth-like gravity. I grew up believing that the wail of a Tie Fighter was the coolest sound ever but it's a lie, a complete fabrication. A Tie Fighter would actually cruise through space to the sound of complete silence. Why did no-one tell George? Were they afraid?
"And don't talk to me about hyperspace. I took it as a given that hyperspace was a provable fact. I mean how else could we travel to the stars? It would take years. But no, it's just another piece of bulls*** that George made up. And let me tell you about parsecs. A paresec is a measurement of distance not time so all that stuff about making the Kessel Run in twelve parsecs makes no sense whatsoever - it's just gibberish. Does the word 'research' mean nothing in Hollywood?"
Tony reserves much of his scorn for one of the most fundamental ingredients of the franchise.
"The Force? It's just f***ing magic! It's as scientifically sound as a coachload of creationists en route to Atlantis. And to think I used to ridicule Lord of the Rings fans for their interest in hocus-pocus. God what a fool I feel."
Tony has recently announced that he will be switching his allegiances to Doctor Who. "They treat science with respect on that show," he says.