Global leaders have been left reeling from the revelation that Nelson Mandela may not live forever. There is a now a distinct possibility that people will look to them to actually make the world a better place, instead of allowing them to pursue their long held policy of keeping their "thumbs up their butts".
The Nobel Peace Prize winner's recent health concerns have brought into sharp focus the lack of humanity, intellect and ethics held by those in power. One concerned Prime Minister said: "I've had absolutely no experience in caring for others. I'm in my early fifties, I can't be expected to change career. There must be some sort of management training course I can go on? Some sort of motivational speaker about love, humility, self-sacrifice....no? F**k-sticks!"
For many years the former South African president had been one of the few genuine forces for good in the world. It had been assumed that Mr. Mandela could offset the self-interest, ignorance and general "dickishness" of every other World Leader. Unfortunately he has recently suffered a series of health problems, which means other "leaders" can no longer remain untroubled by empathy or original thought. Career politicians of every creed fear that they may be seeing an end to a life of lobbying kickbacks, lucrative lecture circuits and gold-plated pension schemes. An unnamed Foreign Minister is reported to have said: "Voters are starting to think of us as part of the solution not the problem. They look at you with these big doe-eyes full of hope - it's horrible!"
A spokesmen for Tony Blair said that although the ex-Premier was available for children's parties and Bar Mitzvahs, he was unavailable to "make any positive impact on anything."